This past month I have been going through so much and over the past few months been taking and taking things on that my body has said “Right, that’s enough now” and for the first time in a year and a half, I am man down and in bed with a upper chest infection! My bodies way of saying I have had enough and need to chill for a bit. I know my shoulders are broad and I have carried a lot but for now, I need to chill a bit.
One of the things that has helped put “the final nail in the coffin” as they say has been something that has been bothering me for a while but came to a head this week. There is a person that I used to hold in very high esteem in my life. Someone that I would turn to advice for and know that it can be trusted and that the person would have my best interests at heart despite what the situation was. Lately a word has started to surface in my head that at first used to be whispered when I thought of this person and now it is feels like someone is screaming it at me when I think of the person. The logical rational Abbi is standing on the one side of my head tapping her stiletto healed shoe and looking at me over her glasses saying “I told you so” while happy Abbi, who believes that there is good in everyone, is standing on the other with her hands over her eyes and has had a hard time believing it. So I got a second opinion and spoke to a impartial friend who deals with what is bothering me and she told me that I am justified in my actions and not over-reacting at all. So now I have my answer and both logical and happy Abbi are looking at the same word that is now a neon sign with an arrow pointing at the person’s name. So why does it bother me so? I think the illusion that I had that we were working towards a common goal and at some time the person would realise just how much I actually still do for them and have the decency to say thank you. I have realised that this “thank you” will never come and for the first time I am ok with that because of the word that is being shouted, it proves it. I suppose in some ways we are working towards a common goal but I feel more like I am being pushed to accept something that in actual fact, I don’t need to. My close friends know that I am a very easy going person and will take and take and take but when I have had enough, I will draw the line between myself and someone and the chances of them coming back over it are slim.
I have had to learn this past week that there comes a time when enough is enough and no amount of threats can justify another’s actions. We are each responsible for our own actions and I will base my decisions on protecting myself and B. I am her role model and I will be accountable for my actions one day and I’ve got us this far so I can get us further. I am tired of bending over backwards for other people and I have realised that I can be a very stubborn woman when I set my mind on something. The logical Abbi is saying “Draw the line and lets get this over with, enough” and the happy Abbi has been saying “No, just give the perso one more chance, the person isn’t (insert shouting word)” but as mentioned before, both are looking at the same word now.
Phew! Ok so I feel so much better for getting that out of my system! Some how writing always makes me feel better! I have also become addicted to the movie Divergent, based on the book by Veronica Roth and I have a Pinterest Board if you would like to see the FAB pictures of Theo James (swoon, wipe off drool from mouth) and the amazing cast. I even have the soundtrack on my phone so I’m listening to it as I write this! J Watch the movie when you can! It is really worthwhile and will teach you a lot about fears, despite all the yummy eye candy! I will write a blog post about it a bit later this week 😉