There comes a time in your life when you will come to a crossroad and though there are signposts indicating different directions, you will never really know what is down that road until you take the path. Sometimes you think you are going to end up with a chocolate sundae and instead you get a bowl of fruit. Though they have different flavours, essentially both are sweet. I have realised that what you think will break you and bring you to your knees, sometimes makes you realise how much strength you really have.
If you had told me that I would be in the place I am, within myself, 6 months ago, I would have told you that you are having a laugh or taking the mickey. I thought I was going to get the chocolate sundae and for a while I had that but now I have the fruit and you know what, I’m actually enjoying it and it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve gone from being a married woman with a partner to raise a child with to being a single mom trying to figure out how to do this alone. And I used to think that I would not make it. What the hell do I know about being a single mom but you know what, I’m doing a pretty good job! There are days when it seems a bit much and I think “what are you doing!!!” but then I look at B and I remember that we are there to learn from each other. This little munchkin has taught me so much over these past few months, as I have taught her. I realised that I am her chocolate sundae; I am the path that she was meant to go down. With guidance from above, I have somehow managed to get us through the divorce and life after it, with help from people who love us. I have a little girl that people comment on how clever she is and how grown up she is but she is still a little child who loves to swim with her mom, ride her bike, build puzzles and who now takes turns with me to read stories to each other. This amazing little girl who loves to wear her “ballerina” skirt and loves to cuddle up with me is in essence, my chocolate sundae. She has my heart and will always not matter what. I’ve taught her how to say “sorry” and if we have a disagreement about something, she will say sorry and put her little arms around me and tell me how much she loves me so I must be doing something right.
It is my birthday in about 10 days and I will be turning 31. That figure just makes me think of being over the hill but 31 is not 30. I survived being 30. I had a year with parts that will never be repeated but some very good parts too. I made new friendships, learnt so much about myself and found parts of me that I didn’t know existed. 31 is a year filled with goals to achieve, races to walk, mountains to climb and a few other things that I plan to do before the year is finished. As one friend says, I can be pretty stubborn and I plan on achieving these goals and doing them well because the only person that can stop me from doing them is myself. I have soooo much to be grateful for and there is so many adventures that are still going to be made.
2014 will be the year of change and 31 will be nothing but a number in the scheme of things but these two numbers are going to symbolise great things that are to come. Watch this space!