Recently I have been going through some of the toughest times that I have ever gone through in my life and there have been days when I didn’t want to get out of bed but stay there. But I didn’t. I picked up myself and kept going and put the plasters over where the sore was and kept moving. Why? Because I have a little monkey called B who loves me and needs her mommy and she is my little superhero. I read a blog post on one of my fav blogs about another mom who is going through a tough time and how her daughter has gotten her through a similar but more heart breaking experience. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank the Lord for my B and she is my reason for surviving. I try to keep a brave face on for her as she doesn’t understand why I am sad, she is too little and when she looks at me and asks me if I am sad, even if I am I tell her that I am not and smile all the bigger for her. This morning she really made me giggle as she came to me with a container and said “Look Mommy, sushi” and wanted to eat it with me! I have to be strong for me and for her so that I can answer her questions about where her daddy is and when will she see him. When she cries and gets all panicky, I try to calm her fears and just hold her and tell her everything will be alright although sometimes my heart just breaks for her when she looks at me with her big blue eyes and they slowly fill with tears.
With every negative there is a positive and one positive that has come is that B and I are closer than ever. She knows that a promise with me is a promise and although it drives me crazy at times that she follows me like a hawk, I understand and I try to be more there for her. They say that people always hurt the ones they love the most and sometimes she does do that to me too by telling me to go away or to leave her alone. If I walk two steps away she calls back for me and then puts her little arms around me and says she is sorry! Sometimes I think she is 2 years and 7 months going on 14!
We will get through this little B and one day, we will look back at this time and realise how much we grew from it, how strong we can be and how we will always be there for each other.