Tag: single moms

Crazy World

The past few months has been crazy world of ups, downs, joy, happiness and just plain madness. Work has been manically hectic and there has been a few nights that I have worked late or even gone in on a Friday night to sort out problems. Most nights I have been passing out by 21:30 / 22:00 and this from a night owl! I was offered another job, got the position and convinced to stay with my present company by the powers that be. One of my colleagues also died and it has been quite hard to say the least! As you can imagine, I have been a bit of a stress ball!

Also started studying again but often I look at the books and decide that it will be done tomorrow nigh…..Getting it done is hard after working a full day but I need to book to do my exam in the next month or three so I have time *gulp*

I am pretty lucky in that I have seven days of leave that will expire if I don’t take them. For a work –aholic this is going to be interesting but I am actually SO happy for once as I need some good old me time. So Madame is taking her vouchers she got for her birthday and having her hair cut and nails done tomorrow and just spending some good old me time. Add coffee, a good book and a fun, out of my routine event tomorrow night and it will be pretty close to being perfect! I promise to try not to worry about work.

I have also done a lot of thinking the past while and cried a good few tears. The whole thing with Mr Green really hurt, I am still in love with him but mostly I miss my friend. The most messed up part is that this whole ending is based on an assumption without all the relevant facts or a proper face to face discussion and that is what irritates me. Thank God I know he and his friends don’t read blogs hehehehe.

A dear friend says that I need to look up and see the other guys around me, in the crazy world of dating, that are trying to get my attention but to be honest I am not interested right now.  A friend is trying to convince me that I need to go on a date with his friend as we are perfect for each other and we will get along like a house on fire. It’s not that I don’t see them, I am not blind but I would rather heal properly than jump into something and then all hell breaks loose. I went on Tinder for all of two days and deleted the app. For me to say I love someone romantically is pretty hectic in my books and it’s the first time in 4 years that it has happened.

In between all this I get a Facebook friend request. From He Who Shall Not Be Named (as he is called by my besties) or my Nemesis as I call him.  After all the circles we ran around each other he sends me a request now. Are. You. Shitting. Me? I nearly fell off my chair when I saw that one!  Mr Dolphin, Nick and Tin Man have been really amazing and check up on me all the time to make sure I am ok. Mr Dolphin has had a few late night discussions with me on the merits of things and I am really grateful to him for being such a sweetie pie. I am trying to move on in my way and I when I am healed completely at least it will be on my terms.

Crazy World Silver lining…

I have discovered a new hobby, made some really nice friends and I am planning a weekend/night away with the girls! We are also going to enter in an obstacle race and 5km race so we are getting there. There is an attempt to entice me to do a 42km race. This dear reformed couch potatoe likes the small distances and races where I can walk in between!  B is doing really really well at school and I am Super Super proud of her! She is getting so tall and is almost as long as me!! She has been such a sweetie pie and growing into a beautiful young lady!

Well that’ it for now, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite!

 

 

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Lines and arrows

This past month I have been going through so much  and over the past few months been taking and taking things on that my body has said “Right, that’s enough now” and for the first time in a year and a half, I am man down and in bed with a upper chest infection! My bodies way of saying I have had enough and need to chill for a bit. I know my shoulders are broad and I have carried a lot but for now, I need to chill a bit.

One of the things that has helped put “the final nail in the coffin” as they say has been something that has been bothering me for a while but came to a head this week.  There is a person that I used to hold in very high esteem in my life. Someone that I would turn to advice for and know that it can be trusted and that the person would have my best interests at heart despite what the situation was. Lately a word has started to surface in my head that at first used to be whispered when I thought of this person and now it is feels like someone is screaming it at me when I think of the person.  The logical rational Abbi is standing on the one side of my head tapping her stiletto healed shoe and looking at me over her glasses saying “I told you so” while happy Abbi, who believes that there is good in everyone, is standing on the other with her hands over her eyes and has had a hard time believing it. So I got a second opinion and spoke to a impartial friend who deals with what is bothering me and she told me that I am justified in my actions and not over-reacting at all.  So now I have my answer and both logical and happy Abbi are looking at the same word that is now a neon sign with an arrow pointing at the person’s name. So why does it bother me so?  I think the illusion that I had that we were working towards a common goal and at some time the person would realise just how much I actually still do for them and have the decency to say thank you. I have realised that this “thank you” will never come and for the first time I am ok with that because of the word that is being shouted, it proves it. I suppose in some ways we are working towards a common goal but I feel more like I am being pushed to accept something that  in actual fact, I don’t need to. My close friends know that I am a very easy going person and will take and take and take but when I have had enough, I will draw the line between myself and someone and the chances of them coming back over it are slim.

I have had to learn this past week that there comes a time when enough is enough and no amount of threats can justify another’s actions. We are each responsible for our own actions and I will base my decisions on protecting myself and B. I am her role model and I will be accountable for my actions one day and I’ve got us this far so I can get us further. I am tired of bending over backwards for other people and I have realised that I can be a very stubborn woman when I set my mind on something. The logical Abbi is saying “Draw the line and lets get this over with, enough” and the happy Abbi has been saying “No, just give the perso one more chance, the person isn’t (insert shouting word)” but as mentioned before, both are looking at the same word now.

Phew! Ok so I feel so much better for getting that out of my system! Some how writing always makes me feel better! I have also become addicted to the movie Divergent, based on the book by Veronica Roth and I have a Pinterest Board if you would like to see the FAB pictures of Theo James (swoon, wipe off drool from mouth) and the amazing cast. I even have the soundtrack on my phone so I’m listening to it as I write this! J Watch the movie when you can! It is really worthwhile and will teach you a lot about fears, despite all the yummy eye candy! I will write a blog post about it a bit later this week 😉

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