Writing has and always will be a therapeutic way for me to deal with stuff. Mom stuff, life stuff and just general stuff that happens. The problem comes in when I stop writing and you may have noticed I have not done so for a while. Enter Confusion
Right now I am more confused than a budgie that got caught in a snow storm..wtf??? Which way is up and which way is down? Or in my case, what is the right route to take. My heart says one thing and my brain says another and so we have gotten to the Confusion Crossroads…oh joy! Why can life not be more simple? Boy meets girl, they fall in love the end. Now adays dating is so bloody confusing and if you have a kid add another whole ball game to the sphere. Lord have mercy! I don’t need a man, I want a man and that is a very big difference! I can be full of shit and demanding, I admit to that, I don’t deny it for a minute but falling for someone now adays can hurt like a thousand needles in one’s bum….aka Confusion. The Stubborn Abbi is up in arms, the Love Child Abbi is in the cupboard crying, the Warrior Abbi is ready to prove herself and the Sensitive Abbi has taken over and we fear for our sanity!
The thing is relationships are always going to have their ups and downs. There is no perfect relationship and anyone that says there is has their heads in the clouds and need to come back to earth. One thing a relationship needs is communication and without it well you might as well pack up shop. This refers to any kind of relationship be it friendship or love. Both people need to fight for the other, can’t have one doing all the work. I admit, since getting divorced I am a Runner and a Pusher. A Runner is someone that has very high and strong walls around their hearts. Shit gets too real and on comes the takkies and we are outta there in a dust cloud. Relationship done, alt control delete goodbye. A Pusher is reformed Runner that now and then pushes the other person away to see if they will come back or fight for you when they get too close. Everyone else left so what makes this one so different? I “may” have a few commitment issues….just putting it out there…..But strangely this time I did get freaked out and gave the shoes a little wash and “may” have pushed a few times but I stayed. That in itself scared the crap out of me because I do not get close to guys in that way. Friends yes but dating or relationships of any love kind, oh no honey, bly weg! I don’t want a Prince Charming or Mr Right on a horse coming to save me. In the beginning when I did start to panic, a friend said take a chance, you never know and so I did. Seems the last push pushed too far and now I am back in the dating pool…God help us! I’ve been very hurt, angry and miserable the past few days but since writing this, I’ve realized that a lot of the confusion is directed at myself. How did I let a man get so close, I’ve never done that before? The walls will now be built so high that the Eiffel Tower will look like an ant!
And in comes Confusion! Once you have broken down concrete walls, how do you build them up again? Once you have shown someone the inside of you that you never let any other man see, not even your ex-husband, how the hell do you fix it? Unfortunately for some I am not one of those women that look for the nearest “warm lyfie” to fix the hole as I feel you end up hurting yourself more. I hate the saying “Time heals all wounds”..I’m too impatient for that, I want it now but that my dear friends is also a fairytale. Worst is, I miss him, our silly random conversations and play fighting. And so I will live with the confusion, build the wall brick by brick with the strongest form of concrete possible and no man will ever see that part of me again. It will remain mine and I refuse to show it to anyone (Stubborn Abbi is back). Do I still believe in hope? Ask me at a later stage because right now the jury is out on that one.
B and I have The Goal List and it is a fun way to keep us busy. With winter almost here I am finding that I feel very restless at the moment. Although I enjoy watching tv now and then, I get bored doing it every night and so the quest has started to find something to keep me busy.
I have a very special friend who always seems to inspire me. Besides our discussions on history, politics, the Victorian era, the royal families around the world, music and operas’s, we also talk about things that motivate us. He makes my brain work in a million ways and I love our discussions. One thing about him is that he is always trying to better himself and somehow this always seems to rub off on me. Everyday he challenges me, without him knowing, to try harder, learn more and to achieve more. This inspired me to start The Goal List.
At the beginning of the month, B and I will always right a list of things or goals that we would like to do for the month. We each have our own list and as we do them we cross them off. This way, at the end of the month, we have achieved something and not having a whole month disappearing. This is part of The Goal List for May for example:
Loose 5kg (3kg done)
5km walk with B (tick)
A festival (tick)
Tooth fixed (tick)
Make a headboard for B
Sell something from the garage (tick)
Design on TV
B’s list included:
Teddy bear tea party (tick)
Sleepover at a friend (tick)
As it is the 31 May it’s time to start the new list and I am on the lookout for things to do. I think it’s about time I took out the knitting needles and make a hat for myself. Or maybe knit a blanket for charity, haven’t done anything like that for a while. My creative side is feelings stifled and I think it’s time I make something. Watch this space and you can do it with me! Do you have goals?
Nothing like a good old facemask to make one feel good and happy! Also a good facemask can make you look amazing!
A few people have told me that I look 27/28 and this is great especially when you are 33! Granted I have learnt to take better care of my skin and my body as a whole and I am 6kg away from being the weight I was when I met my ex husband 10 years ago! I also have Bobbi Brown’s free makeup classes to thank but I’m going on a tangent here. So back to the story about the facemask.
As you might know, I LOVE Pinterest and have a board with homemade scrubs, masks etc. So I found one which helps to take away impurities on your skin. It’s pretty simple and made of gelatin and milk. The website warns that you should not put the facemask on your eyebrows as it can pull them out…Little old me goes “Seriously?” but ok noted. So I follow the directions, put on the facemask and wait the prescribed time. My face looks I have cling film wrapped around it as it dries but ok, they said it was good…..Then I had to take it off slowly and carefully. Well let me just tell you that I must have said every swear word possible in my head as I took it off. I think every little hair that was on my face came off at that exact moment! My face was so red it looked like I had taken a layer of skin physically off and add the fact that I had red hair..I looked like a little red troll! Granted it did work and I shuddered to think what would have happened if I had gotten it on my eyebrows! A new brand of wax maybe? I would not recommend it as wax though!!! It won’t deter me from using other facesmasks and I am already planning my next scrub to make from ground coffee granules (you can get the directions here)
Have a look on my board if you want some ideas to try and if they give a caution with the facemask/scrub etc. then pay attention to it, unless you want to have no eyebrows!
Today has been one of those days that when at the end of it you go WTF? I had a car accident this morning and strangely enough I had a day dream the other day about meeting a sexy hot dr after having a fender bender (Mills and Bloom moment hahah) and the guy in the accident turned out to be a…wait for it..dr! Then I went to go report it at the poice station, I saw a woman that looked very familiar. I was in so much shock that I didn’t look properly and had to look again! It was my bestie Michelle! Wtf? Strangely enough she had an appointment at the police station but told me later that she has mixed up the dates and was actually not meant to be there at all. Seeing her made me relax A LOT!
My friend who is a mechanic happened to have time off and came to look at my car (sweety pie). Strangely enough he leaves for Namibia tonight…another twist. Car also doesn’t have that much damage…phew.
Then work was well madness as it seems people think today was Friday and last minute changes made me want to scream but hey, such is life. But..I heard today that I passed my advanced Excel course that the company sent me on! Yayness!
Get home and all our favourite programs are on TV and best of all for B, her dad actually bothered to call! Got B to bed and so its “Me Time” and what happens to be on..The Hunger Games. This movie helped me soooooooo much when I was getting divorced as it had just come out and I was feeling low and sad. I would put it on for the music and to remind myself that no matter how shit things were, at least I didn’t have to go through what they did and it helped me get stronger. I have a Pinterest board for it if you want to see some pics of them!
I also got a message this evening from a very dear friend whose silver lining has just started to show!
So all in all I learnt today that you have to be careful for what you wish for! There is also so much to be grateful for and with everything negative, there is always something positive! Did anything great happen to you today?
HI! My name is Abbi (“Hi Abbi”). It’s been (insert crazy bad number here) days since I last blogged. Right, cracking fingers and checking supplies: coffee –check, comfy bed- check, thinking what I should tell you about-radio edit!
I haven’t been blogging for a while as I have been really busy with work and playing with B, correction, I have been writing them but just not posting them as they seemed to be my way of releasing tension and some were slightly explicit. And then something weird happened!
I took the day off work on B’s bday and took her to this local animal farm that we like to go to. B made friends with a little boy and they began to play. His dad, mom and I started chatting and after about two hours we got onto the topic of what we do for a living and the mom, Alison mentioned that she has a children’s skincare range. When she mentioned the name of her company I nearly fell on my back! Her company is Kiddiekix and I had actually spoken to her via email AND reviewed her products before!!! If this wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what is! She encouraged me to start writing again as she had always enjoyed my posts. This got me thinking about other blogs that I had followed where the blogger just stopped writing and how I always wondered what happened to them.
So a little update on the world of Abbi and B:
B is now 4 (where has the time gone) and seems to get prettier and more clever as she gets older! She has also lost her first tooth and the tooth fairy came to visit us!
I’ve grown my hair and it is the longest since it has been since I was 13 years old
Met some amazing new friends who I now love dearly
Auditioned for a play and got a very small role but it is a start! First time on stage since I was 18!
Have realized how broad my shoulders are with being strong
Have started a hardcover diet and I have lost 2kg so far (looks guiltily at the forbidden bowl of popcorn next to me the bed)
M is having a baby which is due on my bday and I CANNOT WAIT! Super super excited about the amazing little girl who is going to be entering my life….when they are older B can hook her up with the gents hehehehee
2015 is going to be the year of change and doing things slightly different and more blog post. They say a change is as good as a holiday, 2015 is going to be a shocker! This year, change is going to be banging on the front door, doing things slightly different and more blog posts 🙂
B and I saw a hippo in real life for the first time
This of course is a very quick and slightly small summary but hey, beggars can’t be choosers! And there will be more blog posts, don’t worry, mama got a plan! Like I said, 2015 is going to be the year of change!
Today two things happened to me that have changes my perspectives/perspective on so many things and I believe that they could not have come at a better time. The one involved cousins of mine that I saw today who are here due to the most horrific situation that they found themselves in and another was 3 quotes that I read.
Their situation was of life and death and as I looked at their children I realised how silly and trivial some things that have been happening in my life have been. I am a firm believer in that people come into your life for a reason and go again when they have fulfilled their purposes. These two showed me exactly that! I think that God sent them to teach me a lesson and boy oh boy am I listening!
The other was 3 quotes that I read and to tell you the truth, once I had read them, it was like a light bulb had gone on. I didn’t realise what they meant at first but once I read them again, it was like they were burned into my memory. They made me realise a few things and I think that I have a few more things to think about but wow! I needed them! For the past few weeks I have been feeling like something is going to happen but could not put my finger on it. Each day has had me looking and wondering what it is that date is because something is going to happen and maybe today, 21 December 2013 is exactly that day!
I am so looking forward to the New Year and I can’t wait for the new things that are going to happen. Change is good and well I can tell you everything, rest assured that 2014 will not be a repeat of 2013. Keep an eye out for my “to do list”, you might be surprised!