Bella and I have been going through some issues lately. I’ve been divorced just over 3 months and I can sometimes see the effects that it has on her. On Sunday I saw my brother in-law and he and my ex are very similar in looks. When he was leaving Bella stood in the driveway and stared at the car with the saddest look, her little shoulders dropped and she stood there even after he had gone. I went over to her and she put out her little arms, I picked her up and she put her head on my shoulders and said “I miss my Daddy Mommy” in this small and timid voice. I could not put her down for about 15 minutes after that as she just wanted to be held and it took a lot of tickling and reassurance so that she would feel better.
I’m not saying that these things happen all the time but she is getting better in talking about how she feels about things and I am so proud of her because of that. It’s also getting easier for me when we go to places where there are families and I watch the daddies and mommies playing with their kids and B will hold onto my hand for a little bit and be scared to go until I make sure she understands that I will not leave her. This weekend we had so much fun together and did real Mommy and B things. She is growing up so much and I could not believe how fearless she was when she climbed onto the flying rides, was strapped in and when the ride was down, asked to go on them again. My little baby girl is a little princess and not really a baby anymore. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remember that she is still just under 3 and when she cuddles on my lap and kisses me or just looks at me and says “I love you so much Mommy”, I have to stop myself from cuddling her to death.
Since I have been treated for Post Natal Depression and the anxiety attacks are non-existent anymore as well as the paranoia and the focus only on B have subsided. It can be treated and one can live a normal life again. I am proud to say that all my old traits are back and I am becoming more and more like the crazy old Abbi again. I love shopping again and this weekend I plan to go buy myself some new shoes! I have had my hair done and am talking an avid interest in my appearance again! As my one bestie says “Never go out looking like anything but a lady” and on the two times that I haven’t, let’s just say I happened to meet someone that I knew and I could have kicked myself! Some people have commented on my uhm dancing around the office or house again and it makes me feel so excited cause I feel like me! I even want to bake and cook and do crafts again! Heehe! I have had quite a bit of stress but I am learning on ways to deal with it and many people around me are amazed at what I have achieved in the space of time since being diagnosed.
Well this mamma gotta go and work on my project that is due in the next few days and I am not in the mood to do it, I just feel like cuddling in bed with a good DVD and drinking hot chocolate. Hmmm almost Spring and I can’t wait! Watch this space for some uhm interesting new tales!