There are some days where I feel like I could climb a wall with my bare nails while screaming like a banshee in one of those horror movies and this all because of a 2 year old that has decided to push all my buttons and see what reactions she can get out of me. There are also times, normally at 05:30 that I’m not in the best of moods to sit and play “baba sleep” games with Bella and would rather be curled up in bed sleeping. Its time like these that I have to take a deep breath and realise that she is still growing and learning. It’s also another time to remind myself how long it took for her to come into this world. Babies don’t always come easily!
Bella took nearly two years to make her appearance as a tiny blob in my uterus and this after my gynae at the time started talking to me about IVF and seeing one of his friends who could help me with the “problem”. I had Polycystic Cyst Syndrome or PCOS and this can often hinder fertility and send signals to the body that it is pregnant when it isn’t really so your body thinks its pregnant but isn’t. Hubby and I decided to not go that route and to plan a nice backpacker’s holiday to Mozambique to cross the baby bridge when we got there at a later stage again. Well, I can tell you finding out about her was a shock and a half and we didn’t find out about her the way we expected, no “surprise” or way that I had always planned in my head.
I have recently been reminded just how lucky we have been with having Bella by seeing how people around us have been effected and how it influences them to not be falling pregnant. I remember the feeling of seeing all those girls around me get pregnant and the disappointment when I would see only one line on the pregnancy test when my period was slightly late. I know how it feels when people around you tell you to forget about it and it will happen but how (insert swearing) are you meant to forget about something that you clearly desperately want? My hubby can honestly say that I started doing all sorts of arts and crafts in the bid to keep myself sane.
Now that we are thinking of having our second one, I wonder if getting pregnant will be the same as what we went through to get Bella. I have heard of some women becoming infertile after having their first child. Only time will tell but if you are a mommy that is struggling to fall pregnant, hang in there, you are not alone in this and there are many support groups and mommies out there that feel like you too.