Bella and I have been going through some issues lately. I’ve been divorced just over 3 months and I can sometimes see the effects that it has on her. On Sunday I saw my brother in-law and he and my ex are very similar in looks. When he was leaving Bella stood in the driveway and stared at the car with the saddest look, her little shoulders dropped and she stood there even after he had gone. I went over to her and she put out her little arms, I picked her up and she put her head on my shoulders and said “I miss my Daddy Mommy” in this small and timid voice. I could not put her down for about 15 minutes after that as she just wanted to be held and it took a lot of tickling and reassurance so that she would feel better.
I’m not saying that these things happen all the time but she is getting better in talking about how she feels about things and I am so proud of her because of that. It’s also getting easier for me when we go to places where there are families and I watch the daddies and mommies playing with their kids and B will hold onto my hand for a little bit and be scared to go until I make sure she understands that I will not leave her. This weekend we had so much fun together and did real Mommy and B things. She is growing up so much and I could not believe how fearless she was when she climbed onto the flying rides, was strapped in and when the ride was down, asked to go on them again. My little baby girl is a little princess and not really a baby anymore. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remember that she is still just under 3 and when she cuddles on my lap and kisses me or just looks at me and says “I love you so much Mommy”, I have to stop myself from cuddling her to death.
Since I have been treated for Post Natal Depression and the anxiety attacks are non-existent anymore as well as the paranoia and the focus only on B have subsided. It can be treated and one can live a normal life again. I am proud to say that all my old traits are back and I am becoming more and more like the crazy old Abbi again. I love shopping again and this weekend I plan to go buy myself some new shoes! I have had my hair done and am talking an avid interest in my appearance again! As my one bestie says “Never go out looking like anything but a lady” and on the two times that I haven’t, let’s just say I happened to meet someone that I knew and I could have kicked myself! Some people have commented on my uhm dancing around the office or house again and it makes me feel so excited cause I feel like me! I even want to bake and cook and do crafts again! Heehe! I have had quite a bit of stress but I am learning on ways to deal with it and many people around me are amazed at what I have achieved in the space of time since being diagnosed.
Well this mamma gotta go and work on my project that is due in the next few days and I am not in the mood to do it, I just feel like cuddling in bed with a good DVD and drinking hot chocolate. Hmmm almost Spring and I can’t wait! Watch this space for some uhm interesting new tales!
B has hair like her mama, lots of it and it is very fine despite looking thick. Getting her hair cute is really a topic of debate as I think it should be shorter and her daddy wants it long. When she needs to go for a haircut, my stress levels used to hit the roof. Not anymore! Enter Kids Hair Studio!
There is one place that I can take her that we both trust and that is to Zelda at the Kidz Hairstudio in Somerset West. She has the most amazing patience with kids, a fun waiting area where they can play and the best is, she does adult hair as well. When your kid gets their hair cut, they can watch a program of their choice like Barney (never knew you can get it in Afrikaans) and when they are done, they get a treat and a toy! How amazing is that! She is also not one of those people that when you say cut off an inch, cut off a whole 5 inches! Her prices are also very reasonable and she gets to know her clients personally so you walk out there feeling like a million bucks and your kiddy looks fab!
She also has a “First hair cut” option so you can keep a lock of hair from your child’s first hair cut! Brilliant for those that are nostalgic and want memories! You can book an appointment with her on 079 516 8326, you will not regret it!
I’m sitting on the couch with a warm cup of coffee and listening to the rain fall on the roof and I feel at peace. This week has been a very interesting one for me with so many random things happening that it almost makes me want to giggle. What a week!
I’ve gone from doing a training course and writing my first test in nearly 2 years (found out today I passed with 93%) to going dancing with my sister and some friends until 5am while B has been at her daddy’s house. The last time I did that was before I was pregnant! From being surrounded by people for days to being comfortable enough in my own skin to go for breakfast and a movie alone. Oh and how I loved the movie! I am a bit of a super hero fan and watched Wolverine and really enjoyed it! It was the perfect ending to a really busy weekend and some real bonding time with some fab people! I even got a new nickname which I shall not delve into as that is another whole story in itself!
This weekend actually came at a good time too because during last week, I have been the brunt of a nasty “joke” about being divorced and why my ex left, a few guys making comments that are inappropriate because I have no man to “defend” me and some d*ckhead that thought he could say and do what he wanted to me and well this mama’s claws came out and I put him on his place. For me to say that then you gotta know what he did was really bad cause I am a very placid and easy going person! I have learnt to defend myself and to stand on my own two feet and well I like I said before, I am changing. This mama had to grow up real fast and some of the ways I reacted in the past, well, they are in the past. Like one friend said, “you are on a ladder, keep going up”. I also have to be more of a role model for B because I am the person she sees the most and she copies what I do and I want her to grow up into a strong woman.
I am teaching her to speak more about her feelings and that it is ok to feel things! I have been teaching her that it is ok to ask for help and the other day when I could not find something in the shop, she said “Ask the aunty Mommy” and I had to remember how old she as I picked up my jaw from the ground! Can’t believe that she is turning 3 in November! Don’t think I’m going to have a big party for her again as I did last year with 25 kids, this year will be a small one with only her besties and those kids that she gets along with really well! Wanna know a weird thing? I used to have this big thing for cute owls and her whole party was owl themed. Now if you look in shops for kids and décor places, have you noticed how many places sell things with owls especially Mr Price Home? Heehee!
Anyway off to bed with me tomorrow is going to be a long day and I can’t wait for Friday, the public holiday! J Have a great day peeps!
If you have kids you will know what I mean when I say that you can tidy the kitchen and come back twenty minutes later and it looks like chaos again! I also find the chaos when I have to cook, keep B entertained and still not be messy at the same time. I found Dettol anti-bacterial wipes to work wonders for this! I have grown up with Dettol, it was used to clean sores and cuts and to make it all better. Now Dettol has branched and you get these great cleansing surface wipes which are also anti-bacterial.
It comes in a packet that looks like a wet wipe packet and essentially it looks so much like a wet wipe that even B could help clean up in the kitchen! The packet looks really great and is sealed shut quite well to stop little hands opening it. The wet wipes can be used as a cleaning product or as an antiseptic and works well to clean and kill all germs. It wasn’t runny or overfilled with liquid and I was impressed with that as some wet wipes can be really sticky. It also smelt really nice and is easy to use, you just wipe the dirt away! I would recommend them to anyone and I am going to make sure that I have some in my house!
One lucky person could win a packet of the Dettol anti-bacterial wipes by entering the competition. Like Baby Bugs ‘n Berries on Facebook and leave a comment on the blog and on Facebook! for an extra entry, refer a friend! Competition closes on 31 July 2013 and is open to South Africans and those living in Europe! 🙂
What a weekend! At the moment I’m sitting under a blanket eating Ultramel custard and watching one of my new favourite series Drop Dead Diva! It is so classic; it makes me laugh and is really funny! It’s about this skinny model that dies and comes back as a larger girl and how she has to deal with all the things in her life.
Watching this has also been quite therapeutic for me as I have been learning from some of the lessons that she has been going through. I have been given a list of things that I need to work on for my own sanity and I realized this weekend that I still need to work a bit on one of them. Yip there seems to have been some confusion this weekend and it all has to do with listening and you guessed it, communication. One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is to get used to not having answers and not knowing what is going on with other people. I have been dealing with this and have been so much better at it. I am getting stronger and have changed or “evolved” so much in the past few weeks that if I didn’t know myself, I would be very surprised. I’ve been learning to feel my emotions, take a breath and then to speak, this from a woman that normally says what she feels right off the bat. I have also been working on a few other things and one of them, I am proud to say, that I have gone from an uhm untidy room to a clean cupboard and non-messy room! J That’s big for me 🙂 My favorite saying is “I’m creative, you can’t expect me to be tidy as well”. So now that I have worked on that, my next tackle is B’s room and working on teaching her to be tidier! I am evolving and growing up, some days I feel my age, although I do allow my inner child to play now and then! Like this weekend.
This weekend B was with her dad so my sister and I went out dancing! We met up with some other people and the one guy saved me from a very awkward situation that left me feeling disgusted and wanting to slap a man! Seems some men think that they can do what they want when you aren’t with a specific person or have a ring on your finger. WTF! But that didn’t ruin my evening and we moved on to another place, met Gareth Cliff and a friend found me by following a Facebook trail and made my night just that much more perfect! Gotta love technology! We danced until 04:00am and I was in stilettos! My poor little feet where so sore after that but I had so much fun. All in all it was a good weekend and I really enjoyed myself!
So I’m back to working on my list and keeping up with my baby steps. Oh and before I forget, thanks to all the people out there that are mailing me! I am glad that I can be of help and that I am inspiring so many people! Never thought I would do something like that!
Today is the start of Phase One in my plan for world domination heehee! Actually not, I am going to start with my training for the Impi Challenge (that 12km obstacle course race that I am going to be doing) and so I need to get fit and make the changes that I need to do! Yesterday I ran for about 1km and I was fine! A little out of breath but I was fine! I did the happy dance and was a little proud of myself! This couch potato isn’t as unfit as I thought I was. Am I crazy to be doing this, hell yeah, am I shit scared, a little but I believe that I can set my mind onto anything that I want to so why not! This mama is going to show all those friends and family that are now coming to support me on the day that I can do this! I’m going to take that course on that the ex-SA Special Forces commander has made and be covered in mud but by George I am going to do it! It’s just change and this change will be good for my body and me! It also helps with my other challenge that I had set myself in that I want to be one pants size smaller and buy that elusive swimming costume that I want to wear for the summer when B and I are going to go swimming. No more hiding. What’s the point anyway? This mama is gonna show off her sexy body and with the weight that I have lost so far, I am loving the comments when people you haven’t seen for a long time tell you “Wow, where is the rest of you!”. It makes me smile and feel proud of what I have accomplished!
On Saturday, I went through to Cape Town with a friend and while she worked, I walked around my beloved city! I had breakfast at the Waterfront and I felt a bit nostalgic when I looked at the bench that my besties and I would sit on in the sun during lunch or when I saw our Subway take-away place and remembered all those Meatball Marinas we would have. I walked to the city centre (any form of exercise is good) and I remembered so many fond memories of the place. I went to all my favourite shops and found some crazy new ones that made me smile. I ended up in the Company Gardens and sat at the place where years ago we had a family picnic and I went through all the old memories from living there and the times that I spent working, walking and discovering. It was a little hard but you know what, like my friend said “You have faced a big challenge today and one that not many people would do willingly or so easily”. Did I die, nope, was I sad, a little, did I make myself new memories in a place that holds so many from the past, yes. And that was enough for me. I proved to myself that I am getting stronger and stronger and that I have so much to be grateful for. I showed myself that I am resilient and that I can deal with emotions so much better than I did in the past. I am doing this for myself and being there for me and filling my cup up with happiness and not expecting other people to do it for me because while there are often people around me, I am alone with myself and I need to be able to deal with that which comes my way. That has been a big step for me and one that I know I will benefit from in the long run. If you told me I would be in the emotional space that I am now, a month ago, I would have told you you are crazy! But like that horrible saying “Time heals all wounds”, it is in fact the time and the permission that I am giving myself to feel my emotions and to deal with them that is healing me.
So here is to the start of my new challenge and my improved form of thinking. Here’s to the memories I will be making and the weight I will be losing. Here is to the friends that I will be making and the old ones that will never be going anywhere (won’t let them anyway). Here is to happiness and the love that is out there! Here is to dreams and hopes and plans. Here is to B and what I will be teaching her. Here is to me.
If there is one thing that I have learnt lately it is the importance of friends. A day does not go by that I don’t get one to three phone calls or three to five bb’s from different friends sending me silly messages, pictures of coffee or just to say hi! The lesson that I learnt is that had I not been a friend to these wonderful crazy people in the past, then they would not have been here and so I must be doing something right.
I also have a tendency to meet people and I have found so many new friends and people like Louise, Judy, Storm, C (you know who you are), Chase and Christine that inspire me that I thank the Lord everyday for them! Ok, one person that I met, I decided not to be friends with and that is a whole different story (some of you might know and includes me being my crazy self and going for coffee) but everyone else, you got me for life buddies! I think what I am trying to say is that people and family are important and they will always be there for you. They may give you advice and challenge you and make your brain want to explode with ideas and sometimes you meet them in the most random places and they become a part of you! I’ve learnt so many new things and laughed about some really silly things but I’m learning and as one friend said, God will send you who you need for when you need it the most and then that person will leave when they have fulfilled the role that God intended them for.
So thank you to Michelle, Jessi, Kobus, Storm, C, Maritha, Steven, Jolana, Claudia, Mom, Chase, Karen, Oat, Judy, Charlotte, Louise, Christine, Lucille, William, Liezel, Catherine, Kirsten, Elmare and anyone who I have forgotten for being there for me, you mean the world to me! :0) And thank you for making me laugh and reminding me that I am special and that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for!
This morning I woke up after not sleeping much last night and my first thought was “Cofffeeeee”! My second thought was “Sleep” and then I remembered something that I read yesterday that states “Legend says that if you are not asleep at night it’s because you are awake in someone else’s dream” and then I smiled! I looked for the positive and the sunshine!
With all the stuff that I have been going through I decided to go and see a professional a while back and it has helped me to deal with many of my issues! Issues that I had about money, like not spending it and being frugal! Well this young lady and her fab little girl have been to GB, Penhill, CPT, Strand and so many more places in the past week that it is crazy! I’ve realised that money is just what it is and to spend it, well that’s ok! Yes I still look around for a bargain but if I see something that I want now, stuff it, I buy it and today I am wearing my new stilettos (Charlotte would be so proud) and my new top and I feel great! B even told me I look beautiful! I am becoming more and more like the old Abbi because I am letting go of my own issues and instead of bottling them up, I am dealing with them. I am making myself challenges and working on lists of things to do and new memories that I want to make. I am going out and sometimes it amazes me how God can send someone to call or invite me out or vice versa when I least expect it and I stay busy! That’s not to say that I am not doing things by myself when I am at home! I have started to go through my favourite and some new movies at night and so far have made a good dent on my list that I have. This week it has been The Hunger Games and Anna Karenina (I like art movies but this takes the cake, did not like it).
The professional also gave me some homework to do and I have done it and it has made me smile too. I also got anti-depressant tablets for the post-natal depression a while back and I keep forgetting to take them so I know for a fact that this happiness is not from of it! Today there is nothing that can wipe the smile off my face! Who knows what tomorrow holds but for the moment I am enjoying the “present” and what a wonderful present it is!
I’ve read that you should start teaching your child manners from a young age and as you know, education in my house is a big thing. So this mama has been working on teaching B how to have table manners. She says “Excuse me from the table please,” when she has finished eating and knows not to sing at the table unless it is when praying. Enter my next big challenge which really doesn’t seem like something so big because as a grown up you do it every day. Eating with a knife and fork correctly.
I made up a silly little song and B and I have been working on it and working on it and working on it! Last night I nearly fell off my chair. B set the table with the place mats and put out the knives and forks although in the wrong order but on the place mats where they should be correctly!!!!! Besides the fact that Madame was eating properly with a knife and fork, she was eating big veggies like green peppers and onions without me trying to encourage her. This is the second time this week and I’m not saying a word to her about it in case I jinx it! 🙂 She struggled a bit but got the whole putting of the food onto the fork with the knife correctly!! And the finale, when she was done, she put her knife and fork together on her plate without being told and asked for some more food please. Queue me picking up my mouth from the floor! I think she was really proud of herself and asked for 2 more helpings while I watched her tummy with a sense of apprehension. I am so proud of her and I could see that she was of herself as well! As a special treat, we started playing a new game and now she is jolly well addicted to it but hey it was fun!
Well, today is going to be a great day and with the amazing people that I have in my life, it can only get better! I am planning my weekend already and boy if it is anything like last weekend, I am going to be exhausted! Bring it!
My little girl is growing up so fast and I can see her change and learn new things everyday like our little “Happy Dance” that we worked on and now do together. Father’s Day started off as a very hard day for me as I felt so bad that my little girl would not be having a family like all those people around her. Daddy’s picking up their children and playing was a bit hard at first but I made a choice and decided that I will make special memories for the two of us. I will make sure that no matter what happens, she will have as normal life as she possibly can. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want it and I could see the confusion on her little face when she looked up at me and asked “Why is my Daddy not here?” I calmly gave her a big hug, kissed her lots and explained to her that he was at his new house and could not come out with us. I made sure that we had a jam packed weekend, went to the markets where she got to play in the mud with her toes as she wanted to take her shoes off and I let her as she is only young once. We went to a children restaurant/play area and she got to play on the obstacles and now loves that word. A little boy was nasty to her and told her to go away. She came to me and looked all down and I asked what was wrong. She told me that he had told her to go away. I told her her mommy says she can be there and if he is nasty to her, to tell him that her mommy said it was fine and he must not be nasty to her. She smiled and went back and played. She learnt to stand up for herself and I saw her telling him a thing or two. My favourite part of the weekend must have looked so silly to people around us but I made one of my most favourite new memories of the two of us. I decided to start training for the Impi Challenge that I am going to do, a 12km obstacle course race and this couch potato isn’t fit! Got B into her pram, she wanted Teddy to go with so he climbed in with her and we went for a walk along the roads. At one point I started alternating between running from one lap pole to another and then walking. Our hair was blowing from running, had my music blaring and B just kept saying “Run Mommy run!” We laughed so hard every time I ran and we sang along the way and we made our own new memories. I would not swop that for the world and when I do feel bad, I think of these amazing new experiences that the two of us are discovering. B and I are closer than we have ever been and yes there are days when she drives me crazy with tantrums or “clash of wills” but I would not swop her for the world. We just have to be there for each other and make a new world for us. Just keep explaining and being as honest as I can for her without hurting her, she is too little to understand everything. That is all I can do really! Be there and make some more crazy memories! Bring it!
One of my favourite memories as a child was going to watch a show on ice and I remember all the costumes, glitz and glam! It was a truly amazing experience.
Disney on Ice has come back to South Africa with its Passport to Adventure and promises to be an amazing array of costumes, favourite characters like Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and of course those loveable childhood characters like Ariel the Mermaid and The Lion King. Peter Pan and Wendy will be taking us on a London Tour while Lilo and Stich will show us how things are done in Hawaii. The show promises to be one with an international team of award-winning figure skaters, high-energy choreography and a colorful set that captures all four unique worlds. As Jasmine says in Aladdin “a whole new world”.
Disney on Ice and I have a competition where one lucky person can win 4 tickets to see Disney on Ice! The tickets would be to the opening night of Disney on Ice, next Friday, 21 June at the Coca-Cola Dome in Johannesburg, 7PM show! How amazing is that! To enter, leave a blog post and a comment on the Facebook page, refer a friend and get an extra entry! Competition closes 19 June 2013.
Recently I have been going through some of the toughest times that I have ever gone through in my life and there have been days when I didn’t want to get out of bed but stay there. But I didn’t. I picked up myself and kept going and put the plasters over where the sore was and kept moving. Why? Because I have a little monkey called B who loves me and needs her mommy and she is my little superhero. I read a blog post on one of my fav blogs about another mom who is going through a tough time and how her daughter has gotten her through a similar but more heart breaking experience. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank the Lord for my B and she is my reason for surviving. I try to keep a brave face on for her as she doesn’t understand why I am sad, she is too little and when she looks at me and asks me if I am sad, even if I am I tell her that I am not and smile all the bigger for her. This morning she really made me giggle as she came to me with a container and said “Look Mommy, sushi” and wanted to eat it with me! I have to be strong for me and for her so that I can answer her questions about where her daddy is and when will she see him. When she cries and gets all panicky, I try to calm her fears and just hold her and tell her everything will be alright although sometimes my heart just breaks for her when she looks at me with her big blue eyes and they slowly fill with tears.
With every negative there is a positive and one positive that has come is that B and I are closer than ever. She knows that a promise with me is a promise and although it drives me crazy at times that she follows me like a hawk, I understand and I try to be more there for her. They say that people always hurt the ones they love the most and sometimes she does do that to me too by telling me to go away or to leave her alone. If I walk two steps away she calls back for me and then puts her little arms around me and says she is sorry! Sometimes I think she is 2 years and 7 months going on 14!
We will get through this little B and one day, we will look back at this time and realise how much we grew from it, how strong we can be and how we will always be there for each other.